Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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