he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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