I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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