My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
