I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
