Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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