im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
