i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
