I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
