WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found the puke drawer
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
