We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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