Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
