He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize