I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
