i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
