They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
