About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
