God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
