Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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