Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize