now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
