is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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