Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
