THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
