Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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