corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
