I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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