i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
