shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
