i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize