O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
