Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
