i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
