Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize