i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
