she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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