peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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