are you still at the devil's house?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
