i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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