The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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