If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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