these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
