His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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