Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have post one night stand depression
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