You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
