i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My balls are so social today.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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