shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
