I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
