its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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