I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
