Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize