A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
