The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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