i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
