so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
