i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
