Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
