why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
