Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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