I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
