Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
high people should be assigned attendants
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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