he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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