You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
