Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Even my vagina gasped.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
