the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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