I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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