are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
