i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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