i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
