My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
