I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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