exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
