Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
