I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize