her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
