Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
