Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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