True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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