Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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