Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
