All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
