dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
