I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize