is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
