the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
