wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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