he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
