people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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