I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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