I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
