i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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