please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
