peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
